i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize