i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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