just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
