He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
