break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
