I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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