is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
