how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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