I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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