No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
