the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
