No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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