I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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