you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
