dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
