You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
