It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
