I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
