No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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