ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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