i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
