wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
