we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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