I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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