I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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