3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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