Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
