Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
