dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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