Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
