I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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