She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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