Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
