i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just high enough for therapy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
