I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm bleeding and have questions
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
