I think my fart just growled at me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
