Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
