You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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