So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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