Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
