I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize