He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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