Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize