oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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