I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
