I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
