You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
