he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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