My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
