hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
