you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
