He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
