You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
