Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
