I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
