Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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