Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
