Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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