help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
