your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
