too bad you live with your parents still
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
