Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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