Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
