this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
