I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
