I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
