A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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