I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
